Saturday, January 8, 2011

Thanks for the words Pam

"We all go through things like that in our lives. What I learned from this experience is this: live each day and do the tasks that day presents. You can't continually worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will take care of it's self. That is how I got through this moment in my life."  Pam Carriker wrote this yesterday on her blog Living Art at the Speed of Life.

I love Pam Carriker.  I love her art, I love her sense of family, her devotion to her husband and her children.  And these words yesterday really touched me.  I don't really know why... they just did.  Woke up this morning thinking about them.

Over the past week I have seen my son feel proud of himself for the first time in a long time.  He is doing a job he loves with someone who had enough faith in him to give him a chance.  He was telling me last night how grateful he felt that someone would give him a chance.  It made me happy to hear him say that and at the same time it broke my heart because I know my son and I KNOW he has self esteem issues; I KNOW he is hurt from so much societal rejection.  But he is walking the right walk right now.  Last night he told me he doesn't need any Xanax - that he feels good, that he is sleeping well.  (Two weeks ago he was taking 15-20 a day!).

Oh the joy I feel when I speak to him and he speaks without a slur, speaks clearly and strong.  He looks at me and his eyes are clear and happy.  He gets up and gets dressed and he's at work on time; everyone loves him there.  Only a mother who has lived through the nightmare of addiction can understand how my heart is singing right now.  

Like Pam says, I am trying to live today.  Thank God for today.  And tomorrow?  Well, I wont deny that there are times it scares me, but I have to leave that to Him.  When I was going through a horrible time with 3 of my kids (yes, all at the same time!), my mother gave me a little plaque I still have on the side of my bed. It is in Spanish but translates to:  When you go to bed at night, turn your worries over to God - He doesn't sleep anyway.

And that is what I am concentrating on doing.  

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