This blog is all about me - not my children, my job, my family. Just me. It's great to have a space of my own in the world! Thank you for being here and enjoy your stay!
"LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS.......... IT'S ABOUT LEARNING TO DANCE IN THE RAIN."
This picture shows 5 out my 7 babies. Three of them are gone and one is dying of old age. They were all contemporaries so I guess it's to be expected but it's broken my heart.
Sept 8, 1997 - June 29, 2011
This was my Bubbles. I love all my dogs, always have, but Bubbles was MINE. She was my baby. The one that I totally and completely adored. This little dog could almost speak. I swear she could. She adored me. I lost her while I was in the hospital. She died of a heart attack and I was not there for her. She had been on medication and I don't know if it wasn't given to her the right way or... I just don't know. I DO know that I failed her. She would have been 14 in September.
This is Cindy. She will be 16 in January. She has had seizures recently and I will be having to make a decision about her soon - she is getting weaker every day.
This was Simon Blu. My little man. He died in April at the age of 14.
Candy died last year. She was 13 and such a fantastic little dog.
I have Cindy and three of my yorkies left. I don't regret having had and loved them but their loss is painful.
"You are, after all, what you think. Your emotions are the slave to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions." - Eat, Pray, Love
After having it sitting on my Kindle for months and months, I finally read Eat, Pray, Love.
This womans act of defiance in finding happiness for herself without giving a damn what anyone thought (an act of defiance reached after much mental anguish) makes her my hero for the day.
You all can tsk-tsk all you want but I would dare to bet that at least 80% of you, if you are truly honest, would give anything to take a year sabaticle from your lives. Would LOVE to have one year where you could go by yourself where ever you want. DO whatever you want. Not have to answer to anyone or worry about anyone.
I have a friend who is totally into meditation and Yoga. As she explains it to me, Yoga is more than those exercises that turn you into pretzels; its a meditative lifestyle.
I have become quite interested in Yoga and especially the exercise of meditation.
I dont believe I can meditate. The kind of stillness of the mind that is required to meditate is not something I can fathom doing. My mind goes a million miles a minute at all times. Awake or asleep.
From what I understand, the idea behind true meditation is to relieve your mind from dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. To create a stillness that lets you be - for that space of time - only in the present. This state allows you to actually listen to God as opposed to you praying to or talking to Him. I would love to live in that moment of total mental cleanliness... Just really cant imagine reaching it. That "zen" moment
But I can tell you that the closest I come to that place is when I am creating art. Whether I am doing something complicated and intense or when I am simply painting pages on my journal, I am as close to a zen state as I have ever gotten.
Did you guys ever see Kristey Alleys "unveil" on Oprah? Gotta tell you it was not a pretty sight. It showed true courage and a large set of iron ones.
This is what I look like today
Between the IV, the heart monitor and this face that looks like someone beat me up minus the bruises... Who has the biggest iron ones huh?
Gotta bring some levity to my morning along with the totally DISGUSTING breakfast (these people take diabetis really SERIOUSLY around here!) and the fact that I have slept two hours.
Yesterday I really appreciated just laying in a bed - not being able to breath was exhausting me. I was sick for about two weeks before finally coming here so I needed to rest. But I am done and ready to go and these people are not feeling me on this.
So what are you guys doing on this Sunday morning that God gave us TO SPEND IN OUR ART STUDIOS?
I have been meaning to write about this class for weeks now. The class is SOUL RESTORATION 2 by The Brave Girls Club (Melody Ross). I have never been so impressed or moved or motivated by anything as by this class.
I am not sure if it's "the turning 50 thing" everyone talks about or if it's just that I've reached a crossroad in my life where I NEED to make some changes, but this class is just amazing. I will be taking Soul Restoration 1 when this is over (starts in July) since you don't have to take them in order.
I am doing the class with my friends Jacquie and Tracy. We skype (all three at one time!! How cool is that?) every Wednesday evening to discuss the previous weeks' class. We share our thoughts on this class (and it is amazingly thought provoking) and our art journals. Not only is it an amazing class to take on your own, but having a close friend to share these intimate prompts with just makes it so much better.
The class is a little pricy ($99) but it is worth every single dollar. If you are unhappy with your life (or you can use "discontent" if that makes you feel less guilty); if you feel that you want a "different" life for yourself; if as a woman you are feeling unfulfilled and that there is just "something missing" - take this class. Scrimp and save for the $99 if you have to. But take it. You will not regret it.
How am I doing you ask? (I've gotten lots of emails) I'm not! LOL!!! I actually weigh only 3 pounds less than when I started! UGGGHH! Apparently you HAVE to do some form of exercise when you are fifty for the weight to go down. SOOOOOOOO not part of the plan.
I spend so much time on the road that I end up eating things I should not be eating. Can you say MASSIVE POINTS???? I am not going to stress it though. I am just going to start over. I have enough stress in my life without stressing McDonald's French Fries if I want them!!! (An ohhhhh how I love those french fries!!)
Anyway, I do have a wonderful treadmill at home (the wiring still wrapped in plastic after MONTHS) which I have now moved into the Florida room... in front of the TV.... let's see what happens!
My friend Linda is losing weight and so are others so it's not the program! It's yours truly!
This is my second Father's Day without you. I am proud that t we always made a point of celebrating Father's Day; celebrating you. You deserved no less. You deserve no less today.
I miss you Papi. There are days I miss you so much my heart hurts. There are days I get up in the middle of the night and I can't even breath with the realization that you are gone.
Everyone is doing ok. Father's day is rough on my brothers and I. This year is Bernie's first year without his dad. I am sure you and Alberto are up there together - watching over us - but life seems so empty without the two of you. Bernie is having a hard time today.
We went to the cementery to visit Alberto on Saturday. It's not true that visiting someone's grave gives you any real solace; but it is no less true that not having a "place" to go see you makes it even harder. I know you wanted cremation - we did as you asked - but ... it's just hard. I don't know if it would be any better to have a plot to visit and put flowers on. Maybe it wouldn't be. At the end of the day, you are no longer here.
I wish you would have met Maddie Papi. You would have enjoyed her so much. She is such a funny kid! Kaitlynn is so big. She says she remembers you but I don't think she does. I show her pictures and talk about you but she is only 4 ... she doesn't remember. Now I am going to have a third grand daughter. Savannah Grace. You wont know her either. I find that to be so sad. You always loved Kristina so much. As I am sure you know, she is having problems in her life - please watch over her Papi. She doesn't deserve to hurt.
Charlie is still struggling, there are good days and there are bad days. At least there are more good ones now than there are bad ones. It's something right? Watch over him Papi. Don't let me lose my son.
Julio and Alberto miss you as much as I do. We don't talk about it - we never talk about it - but it's there. Albert had a party yesterday for Vince's 4th birthday. We never touched the subject of Father's Day. He has a good life - two great kids who adore him - to beautiful grandsons. I am very proud of him. Actually Papi as the days go by, as he gets older, he is more and more like you.
Julio is not even in town today. I think he does it on purpose. He is an amazing Father. Amazing. He, like Albert and I, learned that from you. There was nothing in the world that meant more to you than we did. I am proud to say that your children are like you as parents.
I miss you Papi. I miss you so very very much. I would give anything to call you and here you say "que pasoooooooo?". Happy Father's Day Papi.
Received this from my friend Teri today and thought it was AWESOME!!!
I am hereby officially tendering
my resignation as an adult.
I have decided I would like to accept the
responsibilities of an 8-year-old again.
I want to go to McDonald's and think
that it's a four star restaurant.
I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud
puddle and make ripples with rocks.
I want to think M&Ms are better than
money because you can eat them.
I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a
lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer day.
I want to return to a time when life was simple.
When all you knew were colors,
multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes,
but that didn't bother you, because you
didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care.
All you knew was to be happy because you
were blissfully unaware of all the things
that should make you worried or upset.
I want to think the world is fair.
That everyone is honest and good.
I want to believe that anything is possible.
I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life
and be overly excited by the little things again.
I want to live simple again.
I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes,
mountains of paperwork, depressing news,
how to survive more days in the month than there
is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip,
illness, and loss of loved ones.
I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs,
a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams,
the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.
So... here's my chequebook and my car keys,
my credit cards and all my responsibility.
I am officially resigning from adulthood.
And if you want to discuss this further,
you'll have to catch me first,
Last Friday, June 3, Kaitlynn had her "promotion ceremony". She is growing up so fast I cant believe it!! She will start pre-K this coming school year. She is so amazing... I love this little girl so much!!
This past weekend my friend Jacquie and I attended a workshop with collage artist Derek Gores. Jacquie purchased the workshop for both of us. She is one of the kindest most generous women I have ever met.
I have to admit I didn't like him as a teacher per se... he was not very interactive with the students and frankly spent most of his time working on his things, but there is no doubt that guy is a genius with collage work.
We were told to bring a picture with us that we would do the collage off of. You then make a sketch of your picture on a 16x16 canvas with pencil and basically fill it in with pieces of magazines! It sounds simplistic but there is really a lot of thought and work that goes into it. I took a picture of my dad and this was my collage:
I don't have the original picture to upload right now but will do so later on this evening so that you can compare. I am really happy with the way it came out and plan to do more of these. The entire process is long but very meditative. I really enjoyed the process.
This is my brother Albert. Yes, there are times when I have seriously questioned whether or not he is adopted (I KNOW I'm not because I look just like my mom!!!). He and I are TOTALLY polar opposites!!! But I have to tell you I love my brother more than anything. He really is not insane - he just looks like it. But I can call him any day - any time - any where - and he is there. And that is what really counts at the end of the day.
This picture exemplifies why my brother is the greatest!