Friday, January 28, 2011

Just Picture It

Watching the State of the Union address the other night I couldn't help but get this tingly wave of fear thinking about what a coup it would be for terrorists to drop a bomb on that location.

Now I am sitting in this beautiful resort in Disney trying like hell to stay awake (thank the good Lord for my iPad) in a CLE seminar with... Get this... 1200 other marital and family law attorneys. Not only can you vividly imagine the excruciating boredom, but just imagine the potential for a bombing!!!

And just imagine once we are all blown away, the amount of argument and pompous pontificating at those pearly gates just to get IN!

Yep, I am bored out of my frickin mind and am running these images through my head using Disney characters as my pontificating colleagues. Can't help it. Not only is boredom causing me to hallucinate despite the 17 cups of coffee I have had, but the two fat boys sitting to my right who have already gone through two baskets of candy are the spitting image of the Chipmunks.

The dude behind me with the striped shirt and god-awful tie who apparently just graduated law school and is listening to this crap as if it is the bible being read by Jesus himself is the spitting image of Goofy. Same long face, same buck teeth - pretty impressive actually.

And let's not forget Balou up on the stage who is about ready to have an orgasm enlightening this audience on the "exciting" area of motions in limine and the "sublime gratification" (uggghhhhh,) of doing an "auspicious" job for your clients.

Now, look, I don't expect these things to be titillating but it would be much more exciting to watch the grass grow!!!!

Pity me my friends! I love being an attorney - after all these years I still feel passion for the law. But as I sit here.......

Feel my boredom, agitation and frustration in knowing that these characters are my colleagues. That I actually spent years and a truckload of money to join this group of pompous, pontificating, self-indulgent asses. Somebody shoot me! (twice please - to make sure I am dead!)

-Posted from Elena's iPad

Location:Disney Resort, Orlando, Florida


  1. ROFLMAO! This is the funniest post you've written in awhile. I'm just a lurker here but had to post. Don't you wish you were at CHA instead? I know I do, instead of sitting here blog-surfing when I should be doing reports for my bank clients! Ugh!

  2. Poor thing....I recommend very dark glasses so you can sleep without being busted.
    I remember conferences that hurt me so much I wanted to cry. And all of mine were in the Bronx, not Disney, LOL!

  3. Now Elena, this is the town of endless fun and never growing up. I think you got lost and followed the wrong directions. Get back on the right path and go have some funny, sista. Although sitting in a room with Goofy and the Chipmunks is what Disney city is all about, isnt it? Hilarious! You missed your calling. Writing is your trade!

  4. Oh my gosh! You are so funny! I love your descriptions and I can almost see the people you have described. You gave me quite a chuckle - thanks!!

  5. I think you missed your calling... you should be a humor writer... Loved reading every minute. What a great imagination you have... or actually it sounds like maybe no much imagination was needed if they are all so resemblant! TOO FUNNY!!! Hang in there. Marita

    PS: Tried again and this time I was able to get to the blog. Don't ask me why I kept getting the other message earlier!!!?

  6. Oh man. You poor thing! I hope they give you some free time away from the cartoon characters to go off and enjoy yourself a little bit!

  7. Oh and my poor cousin who is also a family law attorney in Tampa (and should have been there with you) is laying in ICU having just had a quarter of her lung removed. I bet she's having a better time at it! LOL.