Friday, September 25, 2015

Another day of waiting

It is so sick - this whole death vigil.  It tears you apart, it is horrific.  We all just look at her..  Is her breathing worse?  We raise our voice to her constantly trying to elicit a reaction, a response...  Are you ok mom?  Mom?  Are you in pain mom?  I love you Mom.  Can you hear me mom???  MOM!!! 

The desperation grows along with the fatigue, the anger, the circle under your eyes.  You second guess every decision we have made.  Should we make them insert a feeding tube?  Are we starving her to death?  Did we give up too soon?  Isnt her color better today???

My daughter feeds her juice and high vitamin milk so she doesnt "starve"....  This is all too much!!!

I have put numerous dogs down when they have been dying and in pain.  We dont sit around and watch them die!  Why do we have to do this over and over again with the people we love?!


1 comment:

  1. Elena, I am so sorry that you are going through this. Your post reminds me of why I am in favor of Euthanasia. However, I do also intellectually understand that this is the process that some people need to transition from wanting to hold on to letting go. Since she is in hospice I am certain that she is not in pain. The hospice nurses are great at making sure that they are comfortable. Yet, they do not give the family the same. All I can say is, keep busy doing what you do best...maybe create a digital scrapbook or movie of your mom that you can use at the services or enjoy later. This will make you feel that you are connected to her and that you are being creative. I continue to pray for you and your family. Jack