Okay, so here's the deal. I have never been a "depressed" or "negative" person. Quite the contrary. I always try to be grateful for what I have and not stress the things I can't change. Obviously my father's illness has rocked the very foundations of my life. I have been drowning in sadness and negativity over the past two months and I've had it. This is not ME and it's not who I want to be. I am also not honoring my father or using my time with him in a positive way by allowing myself to drown in a situation I can not change.
Yes, it truly SUCKS for him to be dying of cancer. Yes, it truly SUCKS that I will lose my father much sooner than I am ready to. But how does this constant state of "mourning" make it any better???? It doesn't. And, frankly, it's selfish. I hate to see my dad suffer and basically wither away to nothing but the reality is that I hurt for ME - for MY loss.
There is no way to describe this situation as anything but tragic - there just isn't. But the real issue here is that I am so LUCKY to have had him as my dad. And to have had him for as long as I have (I will be 49 this month). Many people don't have their parents this long. He has raised three kids that have not given him one second of worry or heartache, he has 7 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren. The day we put our dad to rest NONE of us will have one single regret. Isn't that a blessing in and of itself?
This is the way I have chosen to now deal with my dad's illness. To stop mourning and to just be grateful.
Please take a moment to view this video where the song takes you into the frame of mind we should all live in.
Am at work so haven't had a chance to view the video yet. I will do so at home tonight, but Elena my dear, your words are magic for your self recovery. You are on the right path and you do know you had to grieve and process all the sadness to get back to your positive self and the road that your life should be on. Where YOU want to be! It sounds like you are doing well and working through things in your own way and that is so good to hear. Take care my friend and when the road dips (and it will), just remember it's okay to fall back on your friends. We are always here for you!
ReplyDeleteElena,this is such a wonderful positive attitude!The fact that you will have NO regrets is a blessed thing,isn't it???
ReplyDeleteIs your Dad at home now,or still in the hospital?????
I loved reading this blog about your dad. He would love it,I'm sure.
As the above person said,we are all here for you,my friend.
Hugs,Sue