Saturday, November 2, 2013
The days are going by so quickly
There have been a lot of things happening that I would have liked to blog about. Some good things. Some bad.
Writing has always been very therapeutic for me. Yet there have been days lately when the idea of putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) takes a lot more energy than I seem to have.
Charlie got in trouble again. Arrested for DUI on his birthday. Violated his probation. I don't think I even need to say how I feel about that. I keep thanking God that nobody was hurt and try to see the positive in a very negative situation. But either I'm getting too old for this stress, or I am just on overload with him.
My granddaughters are growing and beautiful. Savannah just turned two years old on October 29. We went to Disney World that weekend and though exhausting, it's always wonderful to spend time with them and with my daughter.
Haven't felt very creative. I'm working on a wonderful project by Kathy Orta. It is going very slowly and I haven't gotten as much done as I wish I would have, but the idea is for it to be therapeutic and relaxing. So I am taking my time. It's called a memory box and it is absolutely spectacular. I will blog about it, hopefully tomorrow, so you guys can see the amazing talent that Kathy is.
My partnership with Jessica and Bernadette is going wonderfully. I am enjoying practicing law again and for that I am grateful. It is great to have two talented women to bounce ideas off of. I have always loved practicing law, but had lost sight of my love for the law within the stress of the everyday practice. I am once again finding the passion in what I do. I am luckier than most.
I need more "me" time. I need to get into my studio and get full of paint and glue. I need to cut beautiful paper and create something pretty. But to be able to do that, to be able to enjoy the creative endeavors that I want to do, I need to breathe. Right now, it's hard to breathe.
I need to learn to cope with all of the issues with my son. He had been doing so well. Although on an objective level I know that so many years of addiction do not just go away; although I know that there will be relapses and there will be falls he will need to get up from; although I know all of these things, it still breaks my heart in 300,000 pieces to see the light go out of his eyes. To see him struggle. To see him so afraid of life that he would rather be numb to any feelings. And all I can do is talk to him and continue to talk to him until he is so frustrated with me that we just both walk away from each other. But I can't stop talking to him. I can't stop trying to make him see what I see. Not only am I not mentally able to stop doing it, I am afraid that if I do he will forget to breathe.
I am so grateful for so many wonderful things in my life. I hold onto that as a drowning man holds onto whatever floats by him. And sadly, I no longer know how to keep my head above water. So I hold onto whatever I can and pray that one day things will be "normal" and I won't have to be so afraid all the time.
Posted by Elena at 10:32 PM