Hoping you Guys Had a Fabulous Thanksgiving and Altered Coffee Sleeves

I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving. We had a great time as we do every year at my brother's house.

Have a swap I am very late for!!! They are waiting for me and for that I am grateful! Altered Coffee Sleeves. These are my contributions to this swap:
I didn't want to make to too "christmasy" so I just added a few little tiny Christmas presents on them! I hope the ladies like them!

Any night owls out there?

I went to bed at 11:00 pm and have been up since 2:45. Finished reading Sycamore Row - probably the best book John Grisham has written in a long time. I was going to read another book - I have tons on my Kindle waiting to be read - but decided to come into my studio and continue to work on Kathy Orta's fabulous Memory Box project. I so envy people who can just lay down and sleep all night. I have been so out of the loop with my friends lately. Have been quite irresponsible with projects - haven't walked into the studio in weeks. It is amazing how the mind shuts down when there is just too much stress. I am really enjoying my partnership. It's different. Okay so I am pulling myself out of my funk. It is time to prepare for KEYS 4 ART 2014!!! My friends and I get together for an art retreat every year in Key Largo where I live. It is the highlight of my year!

Thank you!!

Prayer is very powerful!!  Especially in groups!

Charlie was not arrested today.  His probation officer decided to wait until the judge makes a decision.

Doesn't make the DUI charge go away by any means,  but it does mean that he will be home for the holidays.  Even if he has to go to jail for a little while after that, I can live with it.   It's just so sad to think about your son behind bars during the Christmas holidays.

Thank you so much for your love and your support.  I know it was becoming quite maudlin,  but I was becoming very overwhelmed.

So tomorrow?

WE MAKE ART !  It will feel fantastic to get back into my studio.  

Hugs

Its 3:27 am and he sleeps - I pray

He is sleeping quietly.  No horrible snoring .  No walking around the house like a Zombie. He is straight.  Amen!

Tomorrow he reports to his probation officer.  The officer has the discretion to leave him out to prove his case or to arrest him.   

Tomorrow we will know if we spend another holiday season in prison or not.

Wonderful surprises in the mail today!

Not too long ago, I posted about how blessed I am to have such wonderful friends.  That was confirmed today when I received these wonderful gifts from Lillian and Melody.

First, I received these two beautiful little purses from Melody.

They are absolutely perfect for the life here in Key Largo.  Thank you Melody!

Then I opened up an envelope and found this absolutely stunning handmade journal from Lillian.

Is it not absolutely amazing? !  Here's some more pictures. 

Love the tag Lil!

Ladies, you made me so happy today !!  Thank u!

New bewitching hour

Seems like 3:30 is my mew wake up time.  I hear the older u get the less sleep you need but this is a little ridiculous !  Maybe I should use this time to journal.

Today my partners and I are going to Hawks Cay for the Guardian Ad Litem Gala.  Good thing "gala" in the keys means a sundress and sandals for women and pants (no shorts) for men !

Its been so long I think I would be like a fish out of water if I had to actually go "gala"!!!

Crazy day at the office

Its great to be so SWAMPED you cant even think. 

 He has been sober for 2 days now. He aploligized to me for "checking out" and is running around with his brother getting things done. 

I can breath today.  Breathing is good.

Like a child

I got up a little while ago and went to his room.  I can tell by his quiet breathing that he is straight. 

I lay down next to him and put my arms around him.  He is so muscular and so big- but he is my baby.  The smell of his skin, the whisper of his breathing...  He is still my firstborn.

I just held him and asked God to take my strength, my health, my life and pour it all into him.

I think he is done.  At least for now.  He is back on his feet.  Embarresed and apologetic for. "checking out".  

We survived another one baby boy.

Dreaming

Have you ever fantasized about disappearing?  Have you ever dreamt about going somewhere where nobody knows you, where you don't know anyone, where nobody can find you???  Have u ever just wanted to "check out"?  To find a place where nobody "needs" you?  

I am overwhelmed by life in general.   I am so tired.  I love my family so much. But I fantasize about disappearing.  Of  becoming invisible.

Maybe its because I deal with people's problems, with their sorrows, all day long.  My mind and heart just dont ever rest.  I deal with problems ALL DAY - every day - and then come home to deal with my own.  Its just too much right now.

Not a good day

I am probably one of the most positive people you could ever meet in your life.  I have been through a lot of things and always manage to find that elusive silver lining.

But today is not a good day.  For the first time in my entire life, I am feeling defeated.   I hate feeling like this.  It is not who I am.  It is certainly not who I want to be.  

So I will give myself a few more hours of feeling like this and get up off my ass.  There may be things that will be inevitable.   There may be things that will ultimately be more than what I believe I can handle.   But I will have faith that somehow I will get through whatever comes my way.   I will believe that whatever happens it's God's plan.

But for now, for the next couple of hours, I will indulge in some sadness and self-pity.  Why not?   Despite what everyone else seems to believe, I am human too.  I can't always be "strong".  I should not have to be.

The days are going by so quickly

There have been a lot of things happening that I would have liked to blog about.  Some good things. Some bad.

Writing has always been very therapeutic for me.  Yet there have been days lately when the idea of putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) takes a lot more energy than I seem to have.

Charlie got in trouble again.  Arrested for DUI on his birthday.  Violated his probation.  I don't think I even need to say how I feel about that.  I keep thanking God that nobody was hurt and try to see the positive in a very negative situation.  But either I'm getting too old for this stress, or I am just on overload with him.  

My granddaughters are growing and beautiful.  Savannah just turned two years old on October 29.  We went to Disney World that weekend and though exhausting, it's always wonderful to spend time with them and with my daughter.

Haven't felt very creative.  I'm working on a wonderful project by Kathy Orta.  It is going very slowly and I haven't gotten as much done as I wish I would have, but the idea is for it to be therapeutic and relaxing.  So I am taking my time.  It's called a memory box and it is absolutely spectacular.  I will blog about it, hopefully tomorrow, so you guys can see the amazing talent that Kathy is.

My partnership with Jessica and Bernadette is going wonderfully.  I am enjoying practicing law again and for that I am grateful.  It is great to have two talented women to bounce ideas off of.  I have always loved practicing law, but had lost sight of my love for the law within the stress of the everyday practice.  I am once again finding the passion in what I do.  I am luckier than most.

I need more "me" time.  I need to get into my studio and get full of paint and glue.  I need to cut beautiful paper and create something pretty.  But to be able to do that, to be able to enjoy the creative endeavors that I want to do, I need to breathe.  Right now, it's hard to breathe.

I need to learn to cope with all of the issues with my son.  He had been doing so well.  Although on an objective level I know that so many years of addiction do not just go away;  although I know that there will be relapses and there will be falls he will need to get up from;  although I know all of these things, it still breaks my heart in 300,000 pieces to see the light go out of his eyes. To see him struggle.  To see him so afraid of life that he would rather be numb to any feelings.  And all I can do is talk to him and continue to talk to him until he is so frustrated with me that we just both walk away from each other.  But I can't stop talking to him.  I can't stop trying to make him see what I see.  Not only am I not mentally able to stop doing it, I am afraid that if I do he will forget to breathe.

I am so grateful for so many wonderful things in my life.  I hold onto that as a drowning man holds onto whatever floats by him.  And sadly, I no longer know how to keep my head above water.  So I hold onto whatever I can and pray that one day things will be "normal" and I won't have to be so afraid all the time.