HI EVERYONE!

Yes, I have read your emails!  I know everyone wants to see pictures and hear about the retreat.  I am so tired I can't even BREATH!  Promise to write all about it in the next few days!

Charlie is doing great and life is good right now!!!

WOW!!

We just finished our retreat with dinner and dancing at a local restaurant.  What a wonderful week this has been!  I will tell you guys all about it tomorrow but I just had to write a note to let you know that this has been the best 5 days I have had in a very long time!

Tomorrow all these wonderful ladies fly home.  Tracy left today and Lil and Sarah will stay for a couple of days more but Keys 4 Art 2011 was a total success.

Next?   Keys 4 Art 2012!

Remember How You Felt

On Christmas Eve when you were a kid? The excitement and anticipation of waking up the next day to gifts and fun? That is the way I feel tonight! LOL!

First I picked up Lillian (Mederak) who came from Canada for our retreat. Last night Sarah (Walker) arrived from Australia. This afternoon I picked up Gina (Goodling) and Marita (Kovalik).

Tomorrow? Tracy (Kaufman)from Washington state; Eileen (Bellomo) and Teri (Flemal) from New York; Jennifer (Rogers-Daniels) and Julie Nutting (yes, THAT Julie Nutting) from California; Valerie (Brincheck) and Ingrid Dijkers (yes, THAT Ingrid Dijkers) from Michigan; Daisy (Cooper) from Florida; and Sue (Young) from Ohio.

Can't wait! Tomorrow everyone needs to catch up, unpack and relax. We are having dinner catered at the house and will have a wonderful musician who will bring 3 hours of Karaoke for us! I figure after a few mojitos I can be Celine Dion! Or maybe Reba?! I am so looking forward to this event! Will keep you posted!

I am definitely in the mood to celebrate! Charlie is doing so good. He sounds happy and relaxed and like my son again. Today he told me he had forgotten how good it felt to be sober. God is working miracles in my child. All your prayers are heard and you all have my undying gratitude for caring about this man-child who is my life.




-Posted from Elena's iPad

CHARLIE - DAY 14

I spoke to my Charlie last night and he sounds WONDERFUL!  He sounds like the son I thought was lost to me.  It brings tears to my eyes just to even write this.  He was not paranoid - not "strung out" not "out of it" - he was just Charlie.

Charlie went to the Cordon Bleu to be a chef and he loves to cook.  He has taken over the cooking duties at the residence for everyone and is happier than I have heard him in a long time.

He is a little homesick I think but still DETERMINED to beat this.  Can you believe it????  I have been struggling against this addiction for FIFTEEN YEARS.  Do I dare to hope that this will at least be the beginning of a new life for him?  I am so scared to get my hopes up and then....  No!  I will not even think that way.  For the first time HE wants to be clean.  HE wants to stop.

Prayers... oh the power of prayers!  With so many wonderful people praying for him... people who don't know him... who don't know ME!  God is listening... He is working on my son...
He will return him to me!

So many of you are following Charlie's progress... so many of you hoping and praying for your own babies...

To see my son smile at me with clear eyes... to hear his voice strong and resonant; not weak or strung out.  To not have to "concentrate" on what he is saying or how he is saying it in order to figure out what he's on...  To go to bed at night NOT expecting the phone to ring with awful news...

To not have to feel defensive with your own family.... to not feel that you have to excuse, justify or explain; because YOU know what your child is and what he/she does... but you sure as hell don't want anyone else pointing it out.  Are we enablers by doing this?   Are we hurting them by wanting to protect them?  I don't know.  I don't have the answers.

I am sure I have made mistakes in handling Charlie; I am sure there are tons of things I could have done differently.  But where the hell do you get an instruction manual on dealing with a child who is a drug addict?  Where do you go to learn to do things "the right way"?  Well, I HAVE done things the "right way".  I have loved and will always love my son unconditionally.  That's the only way I know how to.

Hold on to your children even when they push you away.  Don't let anyone tell you that "tough love" means letting them crash and burn while you step to the side and do nothing.

That's not "tough love" - that is giving up.

CHARLIE - DAY 11

He was quiet for a few days... sleeping.  Yesterday he was back in the emergency room - high blood pressure, panic attack - he's never had those before.  Symptoms of withdrawal.  How horrible.

He called me yesterday totally paranoid - that they were poisoning him - that they were "peeing" in his food - he had not eaten in 4 days.  He refused to take any medication.  Spoke to his counselor.  The counselor assured me that this is all "normal".  How the HELL is this "normal"????  Normal???  ADDICTION is not normal!!!

Rough day yesterday.  Charlie told me he was "leaving" - he was "done".  He was talking 50 words a second - he sounded totally out of his mind.  It scared the hell out of me.   "Normal" huh?  Tell that to my heart.

Today I speak to him - he calls me - he sounds great.  Apologizes for "stressing [me] out"...  They put him in his own private room - he told them he doesn't "play nice with others".  He is convinced that his roommate was having sex with another man in the room while he was sleeping.  Jesus.  "Normal"?   Really????

But today he is calm.  He is speaking like a normal human being.  They are giving him less and less meds and that seems to be the reason he "freaks out" once in a while.

What did he do to himself?  How did he let himself get so lost in these damned drugs?  

Okay.... breath.  

I keep telling myself that the important thing is that not only was it HIS idea to go .... but he told me again today that he is not leaving until he is sure he can live without drugs.  That he never wants to go back to that again.  That is so good.... so good.

But my God it is so terrifying to hear him in the midst of these withdrawals!  The physical pain... the mental anguish... and I KNOW he is 30 but does that really matter?????  He is still my son... my first born... the light of my eyes.

For all you moms out there who have written me about your children and their addictions... pray!  Pray every single day... pray every moment you can... He really does hear us.  I have so much hope for Charlie.... I have hope for your children too. Don't lose that.  Your love is stronger than the cocaine, the meth, the pills... the crap.

And for all you moms that have written me that you lost a child to drugs.... know that you did everything you could... know that nobody loved that child as much as you did... know that "tough love" did not take your child .... the drugs did.

TWELVE DAYS UNTIL RETREAT???? ARE YOU SERIOUS?????

Wow!!  Just 12 days left!!  And two of my ladies, Lillian from Canada and Sarah from Australia will be flying in even sooner!  I can't believe how quickly its crept up but I am READY!

As you all know we will have three workshops (in five days!!!).   Julie Nutting will be teaching her fabulous glamour girls and Ingrid Dijkers will share her amazing Over the Edge journaling process with us.

We will also have an all day class at a wonderful store in Ft. Lauderdale called the Paper Niche.  And I mean ALL DAY!  It runs from 9:00 am to 10:00 pm!!!  So much fun!  Can't wait!

Charlie: Day 7

Yes, I am counting the days.  This entire things is voluntary on his part.  He could just decide to get up and go and he hasn't.  That's a good sign.

Spoke to him yesterday, he is much calmer.  They have left him in "extended detox" - the pollution that child has in his body is more than they could do in a few days time.  He sounds depressed.  The counselor says its the medication.  He is going to start working out at a gym they have on the facility so that will help him a lot.

So many people have written me with prayers for this child.  My friend Beatriz, who I am convinced has a direct line to God has been praying fervently for him as have her "prayer warriors" - with love like that how can he possibly fail?