I belong to several online art groups. I have enjoyed the friendships I've gained in these groups and have learned so much from all the talented women I come in contact with daily. But I am truly humbled by the love and kindness of all these women. I am amazed at the amount of "hugs" I have received from my online friends. I don't have the words to express how it has helped me in the past few weeks - and if you know me at all, you know I am never short on words.
I have had weeks to process my father's imminent death. Weeks to tamper down panic that has prevailed since my father's diagnosis on October 12th. My brother said something to me last week that really hit me. He said, "you know what we are doing right? We are already mourning him". And then it hit me. Like a truckload of concrete blocks. I am so busy mourning my father that I am losing sight of the time I have with him. Whether it's 2 months, 6 months or a year, I have made a conscience decision not to mourn him until I have to. I want to be able to use my time with him to let him know how loved he is. How proud I am to be his daughter. Time to ask him all the questions that I have never asked him before. To journal and write about all the family stories that he will take with him. I know it's easier said than done but I owe him that. I owe myself that.
And to all of you who drop by to say "hi" and to ask how he is.. thank you. Thank you so much. I have received dozens and dozens of cards, letters and emails from my "art community" family and they have made me realize that losing one single day with my dad will be such a waste.
I will also sit down in my studio this week and do what has always made me feel better... play with paper, paint, glue... well, I KNOW you guys understand me.
Hugs.
Hi, Elena!
ReplyDeleteGet a recorder, and tape every story you dad tells you, no matter how insignificant it may seem. Ask him every question you ever though you wanted him to answer. Make it a priority. And if you can, pull some of it together in a journal using your art to show him that he will always be with you and alway be remembered long after his death. I didn't get that chance with either of my parents and I will always be sorry for that. My mom had dementia and by the time we realized how bad it really was, she couldn't remember anything the last three years of her life. And my dad, well he died 6 months to the day after my mom - a little over a month after he was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. My dad had the best way of telling stories about his life - it made me feel that I was there with him. We used to sit around the kitchen table, with a drink or two over the course of an evening, look at old family pictures, listen to him talk, and laugh . . . we laughed a lot. I miss that. Spend as much time with your dad as you can, while you can. And make the most of that time even if it's just sitting and talking or holding hands and being quiet.
Hugs!
Lori Northon
Elena, you are exactly spot on with this post. Cherish every moment you have with him. They will be what sees you through when it is time for you to mourn.
ReplyDeleteHugs and good thoughts for a great week...Gwenny