FINALLY GOT KAREN'S PAGES DONE!

Karen is one of the wonderful friends participating in the I DREAM IN COLORS journal. Her colors are brown, orange and cream. She chose a theme for her journal - Circus. Not necessarily the Wringling Brothers type but the Circus of life. How do we juggle our lives as women? How do we walk a daily tightrope with all the demands that are placed on us?

I had a really really hard time with this. I don't know if it was the colors, the circus theme or just where I am in my life but I finally got them done today and am pleased with the result.

A WONDERFUL EMAIL

This morning I received a wonderful email from a friend, Sox. I will admit to waking up feeling unbelievably sad this morning. Wanting Christmas to just not happen this year - a real life Scrouge I know. But reading this email for some reason made me feel so much better. Sox is right, this is not the most awful Christmas of my life... it is the most beautiful one. Thank you Sox. You have no idea what your words have healed in me this morning:

DEAR ELENA:

You know, Christmas is relative. Christmas is a day. Christmas is about love and sharing and being true.
And you have that like you'll never have at other Christmases, I'm pretty sure.

All of you are raw, and open, and full of flowing love for this man.
It seems like an awesome Christmas to me.

I went to your blog and I read your entry about death.

I've attached a Photoshop montage I did about death. You 'get' death. It's only heartbreaking to US who are left behind. Out of selfishness, because we won't have that person around anymore.

Or we could focus on what is good, which is all these wonderful bittersweet days that you have with your Dad.

Mine was in France, he got to the hospital, was there 3 days, I was due to come over to France on the Thursday, he did on the Tuesday.

I know you're taking advantage of NOW. Appreciating NOW.

It's a long, painful, drawn out agony if you let it. Or it's a celebration of this wonderful man, your deep love for him, and the joy to be able to look after him, that somewhere (willing or not, aware or not), he gives you the opportunity to be of service to him.

I celebrate with you the most amazing Christmas of your life.
Big love.

*****************************************************************************************************************************

I am always taken aback by the love and friendships of these wonderful wonderful women.

A PRESENT FOR MY BROTHERS

With the love and encouragement of my friend Tracy I made this to give my brothers for Christmas. I am going to frame it and give them each one. I love the idea of the Guardian Angel protecting my dad. Thanks for the love Tracy.

STILL NOT READY FOR CHRISTMAS

Still struggling to keep sadness at bay. So not ready for Christmas. Thank you all for your emails asking about my dad. He is hanging in there. This picture was taken last weekend. When you look at his picture which I posted in November and you look at him now... well, pictures are worth a thousand words aren't they? I just wanted to take a moment to thank you all for your love, prayers and concerns,

We are all trying to keep our spirits up. There are a lot of small children in this family that need and deserve a Christmas.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR EMAILS

My dad was released from the hospital Thursday. He was rushed to emergency again this morning because he was vomiting blood. Just not good. Part of the process... still horrible. Thank you so much for your emails and your prayers. We really need them. He is really scared. Funny, I would never have imagined my dad scared of anything. During his hospital stay last week we talked so much and despite the horror of this disease, I am so glad we are getting an opportunity to have these conversations.

On a happier note, this is my granddaughter Kaitlynn's very first school picture! She is 2 1/2 years old and attending Kiddie College. She loves it! She loves to have her picture taken (grandma got her used to it).


NEW TOY ALERT: I've been lax about posting new toys but this one is one that I can't wait to play with. (Yes, this one I actually WILL take out of the box!!!) The FLIP is really small (portable) and will let me post videos if I choose to. It can tape up to 120 minutes of video and that is really awesome. I really want it to just take videos of Kaitlynn and put them on DVDs. She is growing up so fast that and we do not have ONE SINGLE VIDEO of her. Can you believe that? Pictures I have enough to wallpaper the entire Empire State Building. But no videos. This new little handy dandy toy will solve that!

Also new this week.... drum roll please..... LYRA Aquacolor Watersoluable Crayons. They are really great crayons but still like the Caran de Ache better. PAN PASTELS ..... LOTS AND LOTS OF PAN PASTELS!!! Absolutely love these things. I got two new sets (20 each) the Shades and the Portraits. If you have never tried these go buy a couple! You will want them all!! I have over 60 of them and still don't have all the ones I want! Received the MicroGlaze everyone is raving about - will be trying that soon.

Finally, a new art book which I am really enjoying. It's called CREATIVE TIME AND SPACE (Making Room for Making Art) and has articles by different artists and their struggles for TIME!!! Sound familiar? Really good read.

A POSITIVE LIFE STARTS WITH POSITIVE THOUGHTS

Okay, so here's the deal. I have never been a "depressed" or "negative" person. Quite the contrary. I always try to be grateful for what I have and not stress the things I can't change. Obviously my father's illness has rocked the very foundations of my life. I have been drowning in sadness and negativity over the past two months and I've had it. This is not ME and it's not who I want to be. I am also not honoring my father or using my time with him in a positive way by allowing myself to drown in a situation I can not change.

Yes, it truly SUCKS for him to be dying of cancer. Yes, it truly SUCKS that I will lose my father much sooner than I am ready to. But how does this constant state of "mourning" make it any better???? It doesn't. And, frankly, it's selfish. I hate to see my dad suffer and basically wither away to nothing but the reality is that I hurt for ME - for MY loss.

There is no way to describe this situation as anything but tragic - there just isn't. But the real issue here is that I am so LUCKY to have had him as my dad. And to have had him for as long as I have (I will be 49 this month). Many people don't have their parents this long. He has raised three kids that have not given him one second of worry or heartache, he has 7 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren. The day we put our dad to rest NONE of us will have one single regret. Isn't that a blessing in and of itself?

This is the way I have chosen to now deal with my dad's illness. To stop mourning and to just be grateful.

Please take a moment to view this video where the song takes you into the frame of mind we should all live in.

A NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION

A friend of mine sent me this video today. It's by Tony Robbins. It's a little over 17 minutes and probably the best, most positive and productive 17 minutes you will spend today.

I am not much of a "guru" follower but I am so glad I took the time to view this. Life is hard right now. For me for obvious reasons and for so many others for a myriad of reasons from health issues to economic crisis. This video should be everyone's New Year resolution.