Sunday, June 19, 2011


This is my second Father's Day without you.  I am proud that t we always made a point of celebrating Father's Day; celebrating you.  You deserved no less.  You deserve no less today.

I miss you Papi.  There are days I miss you so much my heart hurts.  There are days I get up in the middle of the night and I can't even breath with the realization that you are gone.

Everyone is doing ok.  Father's day is rough on my brothers and I.   This year is Bernie's first year without his dad.  I am sure you and Alberto are up there together - watching over us - but life seems so empty without the two of you.  Bernie is having a hard time today.

We went to the cementery to visit Alberto on Saturday.  It's not true that visiting someone's grave gives you any real solace; but it is no less true that not having a "place" to go see you makes it even harder.  I know you wanted cremation - we did as you asked - but ... it's just hard.  I don't know if it would be any better to have a plot to visit and put flowers on.    Maybe it wouldn't be.  At the end of the day, you are no longer here.

I wish you would have met Maddie Papi.  You would have enjoyed her so much.  She is such a funny kid!  Kaitlynn is so big.  She says she remembers you but I don't think she does.  I show her pictures and talk about you but she is only 4 ... she doesn't remember.  Now I am going to have a third grand daughter.  Savannah Grace.  You wont know her either.  I find that to be so sad. You always loved Kristina so much.  As I am sure you know, she is having problems in her life - please watch over her Papi.  She doesn't deserve to hurt.

Charlie is still struggling, there are good days and there are bad days.  At least there are more good ones now than there are bad ones.  It's something right?  Watch over him Papi.  Don't let me lose my son.

Julio and Alberto miss you as much as I do.  We don't talk about it - we never talk about it - but it's there.   Albert had a party yesterday for Vince's 4th birthday.  We never touched the subject of Father's Day.   He has a good life - two great kids who adore him - to beautiful grandsons.  I am very proud of him.  Actually Papi as the days go by, as he gets older, he is more and more like you.

Julio is not even in town today.  I think he does it on purpose. He is an amazing Father.  Amazing.  He, like Albert and I, learned that from you.  There was nothing in the world that meant more to you than we did.  I am proud to say that your children are like you as parents.

I miss you Papi.  I miss you so very very much.  I would give anything to call you and here you say "que pasoooooooo?".  Happy Father's Day Papi.

1 comment:

  1. My heart is breaking to read this. Your love and pain are palpable, and this is a beautiful tribute to your dad. My parents are both buried in a cemetery and, to tell you the truth, I feel closer to them when I'm not there. They aren't in that body any more. I feel them all around me and I know they live through me and my children.