Wow!! I am stunned by the amount of pesonal email I've received regarding my post of January 26th, 2009. I shared with you how I felt, well, "suffocated" right now. Wishing I could do and be someone else.
So many of you have shared those same feelings with me. So many of you feel "suffocated" in your lives.... It's not that you (or I) don't love our families, our husbands, our children........... It's not that you don't want to be a mother, a daughter, a wife.... It's just that sometimes you just want to be a WOMAN - an individual with personal goals, needs, and dreams.
At least for me, that is where my dissatisfaction and need comes from. I've always had and always lived up to my "labels" - a respectful and dutiful daughter, a sister who adores her younger brothers, a wife who loves her husband, a mother that would give her life for her children, a grandmother that sees through the eyes of a precocious two year old.... But I've never had a chance to just be ME - just be a woman without all those labels... to just BE. I don't feel guilty about it. I have no reason to - and either do any of the wonderful woman who have written to me. I'm just finding my way around the solution - because there HAS to be one. None of us should have to settle for what everyone else expects of us.
Why is it that when we reach a point in our lives that we've given all we can give - a point where we want to take our life back from the hands of all those who pull at us in a million different directions - there is guilt involved? What in the WORLD do we have to feel guilty about? Why are we sentenced to a life of living for everyone else but us?
Thank you so much for sharing such personal feelings with me. Your stories, your fears and confessions have validated everything I've been feeling lately. But most of all, thank you for the hugs --- for every email has felt like a hug from a dear friend.
We'll figure this out........... at least for me, I know I have to.
Thanks for sharing Elena.
ReplyDeleteReally enjoyed what you had to say.
Gives a woman a lot to think about.
You only live once and have to enjoy to the fullest.
Hugs Laura H.
Oh Elena..I so know how you feel!! I am 54..a retired NICU R.N. retired due to an injury.I so identfied with my "R.N.-ness" and what I did. For the past 11 years I,too, have felt the same way.everyone "pulling" me to be there in the same "roles" you expressed.I know my family loves me..but there are times when I want to say.."let me be me and don't NEED me right now." I think as women we have to fill so many "shoes" that are taken for granted. I lived for 5 mos. with my Dad while he died (home hospice) and when I came home it seemed as if I had to be Wife,Mom,Grandmom to all..I didn't feel I could shut them all out to grieve,for a short time,in private. They all seemed to need something from me...you know how the story goes! Anyway,take comfort in knowing women around the world understand completely!! With a great big hug to you..Ann
ReplyDeleteHey ELENA.. I learned young to listen to my inner self ... I just sort of kept singing , Helen Reddys' song, " I AM WOMAN" ... re-enforcing the persona in my own eternal little child... It's hard to shake off hundreds of years of bondage without feeling selfish ... but look where it's taken Obama and his wife ... Believe in yourself and your own BEAUTIFUL HEART and the courage will lead you into your own feminine spirit of freedom. You have lots of kindred spirits here for support dear friend.
ReplyDeleteBig Hugs
Roslind
( Zaa)
hi
ReplyDeleteits good to share your feelings ..
Sometimes wished i were a man but now i realize the importance of being content with what life gives us and think of all we have now and think what if we hadn't.
Elena,
ReplyDeleteI belong to one of the ATC groups that you also belong to. I'm a very, very quiet person, don't comment so much although I read all the posts. I really know how you feel. I'm 65 this year, mother, grand mother, great grandmother, family matriarch, all that. And I've never known ME! I'm retired now, but there is always a child in my house (or 2 or 3). I feel that I want to discover if, after all these roles, there might me an 'artistic' me. I've done needle crafts mostly, but I have always wanted to create. You are so right. I'm there.
Be blessed,
Reba