He had been sick with pulmonary hypertension for a while (see previous post ) but he had been okay. You know? Not great. But okay. Today I got home and he was so happy to see me. I was surprised at how much energy he had. I went to the store and took him with me.
A few minutes after I got home he literally fell over. He couldn't stand up and was dragging himself across the floor. I tried so hard to make him okay... I gave him oxygen (which I have been giving him for over a year) but this time he would not let me put his face in the mask. He always had. But tonight he just wouldn't.
He kept kissing me and kissing me and that in and of itself was a shock because Simon NEVER kissed (licked) anyone! He was too arrogant for that. He kept looking at me and kissing my face, licking the tears off my cheeks. I swear to God that little dog was saying goodbye to me. He didn't want the oxygen... he just wanted to go. He kissed me to let me know that he was okay with that. That he wanted to go.
I called my vet and he met me at his office. He agreed with me that it was time... I can't even tell you how I felt. I just can't.
The vet suggested I leave Simon with him and leave and I started to. But I came back inside and carried my little man. The vet gave him the shot and I just kept holding him. I kept telling him how sorry I was.. .that I HAVE to do this. That I love him so much. I know he understood me. It was so fast. Right before the last second he kissed me again and then just closed his eyes.
For those of you reading this and thinking he was just a dog... he was not. He was my baby and I love him dearly.
I will miss you Simon. I love you.
Oh I'm so sorry elena. I have absolutely been there. I don't know if I'm glad I stayed or sorry I did, but no matter what we are surely left with the hardest job to do the thing that is best for our babies. Not one person reading this who has had a dog will think he was "just a dog" because there is no such thing. They are brave little heroes and their souls live on forever. xoxo
ReplyDeleteYou did the right thing you put Simon first,even though it broke your heart,you nursed him and he wasnt afraid even for a single moment, oh that people should be allowed to go so peacefully.
ReplyDeleteHe was so beautiful and so wise. He decided how to spend his last moments loving you and letting go. I couldn't believe how fast those last moments were either when we had to do this. In a blink, and life has changed. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteElena, you know I feel as you do about our furchildren. My heart is very heavy for you, and it never gets any easier, and it is hard for us friends also as we want to comfort you, but words just do not do it. Yes he is not suffering and that is a good thing, and he KNEW it was time, but you know what more importantly he knew he was loved!
ReplyDeleteGentle hugs my friend,
Susan
They may not be able to speak in words but they know how to "talk" to us. A single kiss is worth a thousand words. My heart goes out to you my friend.
ReplyDeleteMy prayers and thoughts are with you. I understand fully. Just give yourself time to grief and remember all the wonderful things about Simon. I still miss my JeJe and it has been 3 years after he passed away on my lap.
ReplyDeleteGoodbye beautiful Simon! You will never know how much joy you brought. :) I'll keep you in my prayers Elena.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Elena... I know how you feel I have my baby's too!! My prayers and thoughts are we you!!
ReplyDeletececy
Dear Elena,
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you; I can sympathize with your grief. I'm so glad that he told you good-bye in his own special way. Perhaps this will be of some comfort:
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown...
Dear Elena!
ReplyDeleteI'm so very sorry for your loss! Simon loved you more than you could possibly imagine! My heart aches for you - I lost my Little Black Kitty on January 6th! You are such a good mom and Simon is now watching over you!!! You are very loved!!
Kris
Your Simon was such a beautiful baby. I am so sorry for your loss. He was a precious boy.
ReplyDeleteElena..I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your beloved Simon. Such a beautiful boy. I cried as I read your post..my Otis was so like you simon. How much he loved you..comforting you at the end. I,too,held my Otis when we had to have him sent to heaven..the hardest thing to do..but the most loving thing.Of course he wasn't "just a dog"..he was your baby ,your friend,your love! My love goes out to you at this devestating time.I hope that your memories will help you through your grief. He loved you so much,as he showed you at the end. When you are ready, perhaps you will here his little feet as he comes to see you..my otis still comes by..i hear his little toenails on my floor when things are quiet , in the times when he knows I need him! He is Over the Rainbow..doing the things he loves to do and watching over you!
ReplyDeletewarm hugs!! I CARE !
Oh Elena... reading this says so much about Simon. He truly loved you! That is so evident and how special that he wanted to make sure you knew, too! I know that had to be so hard, but so good that you did what was best for him even though it was probably one of the hardest things you've had to do. Loved all the pictures, too! He was so adorable! Hugs to you! Marita
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. It is one of the hardest things to do in making that choice, but hopefully your loving memories will provide you comfort. Wishing you peace in your time of grief. Paula from the soul journaling group
ReplyDelete