Life has become so hectic. So many things have happened over the past six months - some good - some not so good. I miss blogging. I miss the camaraderie of the blog, the blank page, the sharing. So why have I not written? Don't really know. Just haven't felt like it I guess.
It's funny how you always put the things you enjoy most on the back burner when you are stressed or pressed for time. We deprive ourselves of the things we enjoy and yet still find the time to do the things we don't. How does that work?
Waking up this morning, in that space between drowsiness and wakefulness, I thought about the fact that I feel ..... I don't even know how to express it..... empty maybe? Does that make sense? Probably not. I feel like there is something missing, that I am not living my "best life" - isn't that what all the psycho gurus call it? But how to change it? How do I live for "me" without feeling guilt or a sense of selfishness?
WAY too deep for so early in the morning, but these thoughts have been weighing on me.
My word for this year was PURPOSE. I was determined to live every day this year with purpose - not just live a day at time like petals we remove from a flower singing "he loves me, he loves me not". But I have not done that at all. I have not focused on goals to reach this year, I have not lived with purpose at all.
There is still a few months left of this year. And I can always use the word again next year, but what good is the word when you don't live it? When you don't get up each day and remind yourself of why you chose it in the first place.
The first mistake for me I think is that I have not journaled this year. At all. Journal therapy is something that has always tended to keep me on course. A tether when I feel like I am going to just float away. I love to write! So what is wrong with me that I am not writing!? It may be that everything and everyone else around me is SAPPING me of all energy, of all happiness, of all peace.
Maybe.
I have been thinking of you a lot lately. Our art community misses you! I feel a lack when I don't create something too. Writing is a good release. I will pray for you, and your writing! ♥
ReplyDeleteI hate google! I just wrote a long, heartfelt message, and when prompted to sign it, well....I got signed in and the message disappeared. Here's the short version: learn to say no to excessive demands. Put yourself first. Do at least one thing each day that is JUST FOR YOU! And remember, I love you. :)
ReplyDeleteYeah, as Eileen said I've learned to do one thing each day just for me. Sometimes it's a 10-minute soak in the tub with a book. Sometimes it's a pedicure. Whatever - it's me time. Had to learn to do it because I ran out of juice several years ago and don't want to be there again. We do miss you at BAJ, as Melody says. Come back and chat with us!
ReplyDelete